It’s the moment every inheritor dreads. You have all this money and estate and you’re ready to take on the world, and suddenly it’s all taken away in a blink of an eye. Your mother was of course not happy with your marriage decision so she cuts you off, and suddenly you have nothing left. What to do?

Of course it’s understandable to be devastated by this. You did not see this coming – you know it is potentially possible in primogeniture but you didn’t know your mother would cut you off in this way. Does she not care that you’re her beloved eldest son? Does she not care for everything you’ve done for this family? How could she do this?

Once you have that you’ve come to accept that this, it’s normal to be angry and frustrated. But if you want to learn from the experience it’s important for you to move forward and figure out what your next steps will be.

Don’t freak out, stay calm, breathe

The first thing to remember is that while this seems like a dire situation, you’re not yet homeless. You still have some money, however little it is. It just means you may have to cut back on certain luxury items—maybe a servant or two? You have to realize that it won’t always be as rich as you may anticipate, everyone goes through hard times, yours just came earlier than you expected.

Accept the Situation

After you’ve calmed yourself down, it’s time to accept your situation. Not only does this mean you have to start tracking your finances but your social relationships might become altered. You may lose friends, you may gain some new ones, but you’ve definitely got to accept that you are out of the upper class social circle. Now you may begin the process of building new social circles.

Consider your Connections

Now that you’re slowly gaining new friends, it’s important not to forget your old friends who are okay with your loss of inheritance and are willing to help you out in any way they can. There are people there for you! Perhaps it’s a semi ex-girlfriend, maybe it’s a mutual friend through your ex. It doesn’t matter who it is, it’s only important to know that there are people out there willing to help. And if they offer you a living off of say—a rectory on a respectable estate, you take it! You may be astonished at some of these mutual friends and their generosity. Don’t forget to thank them!

Make Amends

The final step to move forward from this loss is to start making amends. You may have been cut off from your family because of this situation but at this point you’re well situated and ready to make amends. It’s important not to wait for the rest of your family to begin this process but for you to initiate it. This is a sort of healing process, because your anger has now died down (hopefully) and you’re on your way to success!